THE INVISIBLE MOTHER by Charlotte
"It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response,
the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone
and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see
I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone,
or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the
corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,
nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer,
"What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around
5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the
eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum ma cum laude
- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be
seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of
a friend from England .. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous
trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was
sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.
It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling
pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped
package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great
cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her
inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what
you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after
which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great
cathedrals we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see
finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The
passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of
God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a
tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,
'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that
will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman
replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into
place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you,
Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one
around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn
on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile
over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now
what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction, but it
is not a disease, it is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.
It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a
great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they
will never see finished, to work on something that their name will
never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no
cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime
because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my child to
tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving,
'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade
pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses
all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine, or a
monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.
And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,
'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if
we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world
will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that
has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women."
Keep on building...
